Kiss Your Syphilis Good Night!

Have you hugged your Plague? Kissed your Swine Flu good Night? Hugged your Toxic Mold?

Have you hugged your Scabies today?

What a god-awful title for a blog post, you’d say, and I agree. Syphilis? No! Even clap or herpes would be better…

Forget the title for a moment.

Let’s talk about kids’ toys.

Imagine how hard it is to come up with an idea of a new staffed toy for children these days. Much harder than to dream up a new unique rectangular-ish shape to staff brains of a new smart phone that wasn’t already patented by Apple Inc.

A staffed toy which is, if you believe its description,  looks like a large Syphilis microbe and appropriately called just that – Syphilis was manufactured by Russian toy makers. Very large for a microbe, I’d say. Actually, it’s a bacteria, spirochaete bacterium, not a microbe that causes syphilis. But then again, maybe staffed toys get syphilis from a microbe. 

Take a look at the picture below. This is the item description of the toy. The new line is called  “Stuffed Microbes”.


I translated the text verbatim, more or less. It doesn’t read like a perfect English, but those who read Russian can see that the Russian text wasn’t any good either. And that I’m not making it up.

Here’s the other representatives of the “Stuffed Microbes” line:

I agree, Brain Cell and Erythrocyte are “animals” in their own right, and don’t belong to the Microbe line. Human Egg should be taken out, too. Coupled with a charming (not yet offered) bug-eyed Spermatozoid (easy design: big-head, long tail, lascivious mouth) they can form their own product line. The Ovulation Line, perhaps? Kids can play Fertilization Games… Possibilities are endless.

Russian parents reacted at the new arrivals in toy departments variously. “I cannot imagine my son asking for a staffed Plague for Christmas or being sad that his granny didn’t get him Syphilis,” one concerned father said.  And from the mouth of the young mother,“My little girl might ask for the whole line of them microbes. She likes to collect things. Is Human Egg Cell a microbe too?”

Would you want her to play with Scabies?

Would you buy her a Plague or a Microwaved Baby to play with?

Perhaps, it’s a rather unimaginative design that makes Swine Flu less attractive than, say, Glo Doodlebug? A modest but proud Toxic Mold is losing a battle against Glo Clutterbug. To me, Scabies looks no less bashful than Glo Bashfulbug, and, well, Syphilis is even cuter than Glo Grannybug. Perhaps they should’ve make them glow, squeak or say “Hello! I’m your Plague!”  or “Kiss your Toxic Mold!”

Well, maybe the time for such toys hasn’t come yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the cradles of future kids will be filled with chattering, glittering, crawling microbes, viruses and such — stuffed, plastic and titanium alloyed.

Now, let’s take a look at some of the less expensive toys Japanese kids are playing with.

Well, honestly, wouldn’t you prefer your little one played with a cuddly pink Syphilis rather than a Dismembered Woman, perhaps swallowing her up part by bloody part?


8 comments on “Kiss Your Syphilis Good Night!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s