February 27th is yet another date when “the boys from Liverpool” are fondly remembered. Not that it really mattes to me, other than as a flimsy excuse to share a mildly entertaining anecdote, which appeared, I believe, soon after Paul McCartney took a mic and fronted Nirvana at the benefit concert for Hurricane Sandy and on SNL last December.
Here it goes, and, trust me, the way you find it here you won’t find anywhere else and in any language:
Paul McCartney took part in the Best Chuck Berry Imitation/Impersonation Contest, and although he looked nothing like Chuck Berry, his rendition of My Ding-A-Ling won him the first place.
John Lennon, though a gentleman to the core, wasn’t above jealousy. He went ahead and entered the Best Humperdinck Imitation contest. He won it hands down; his Release Me was a hit.
George Harrison fumed, filled with envy, but not for long. He entered and won The Best Joke About Beatles International Competition. Spectators could see it quite clearly – George was slightly anxious. On his left foot he wore a shoe but no sock, on his right – only a sock. He recited the following:
We never imbibed anything stronger than tea during our recording sessions. But after the concert – that’s another matter entirely. One day we got so loaded after the concert, that we felt like singing. We piled into the car and but couldn’t agree who should drive. “George, you drive,” said Macca, John and Ringo in unison. “Why me?” I asked. “You can’t hold a tune worth a damn when drunk.
Never mind that the joke had a momentum problem and, although lively, wasn’t innately suspenseful or particularly funny. Coming from Harrison, it couldn’t be beat.
Ringo Starr wasn’t amused. Though not a jealous man, he, too, wanted to win some blasted prize in one goddamned contest or another. Since nothing suitable was going on anywhere at the time, he entered The Best Flutist Among Drummers Competition… and won, for there was no better drummer than him… who’d signed up for a contest as dumb as this one.
Keith Richards watched this circus from the sidelines for a while, experiencing an existential mix of sensations – fever, nausea, nervous exhaustion and suicidal depression – somewhere in the general proximity of his heart. Then he couldn’t stand it anymore. “Look at this! Every eff…ing cockroach is a winner!” he cried out and sprung to action. Guess who won the Golden Beetle as the Best Impersonator / Imitator of Paul McCartney? Right.
“Gee, some big eff…ing problems you’ve got, asshole,” said Mick Jagger and, without much ado, punched Keith in the face. Schplott! Aaaaaiiiieeeee!!!! Keith’s face sustained some damage, though anything that cold compress couldn’t heal. They were best of friends, after all. Besides, this immediately cured Keith’s fever, nausea, nervous exhaustion, suicidal depression and number of other ailments.
Also, yesterday, I became 1,044,075th viewer of a passionate solo rendition of the 1970s Beatles classic Let It Be, during a concert by what appears to be a navy band.
Backing vocals are provided by a choir of similarly-dressed Russian men, while two lines of dancers on either side of the stage wave their hats in the air at the song’s rousing finish.
The person who uploaded it on Dec 15, 2008, apologized profusely to all Beatles fans everywhere for that fat Russian singer who looks like Newt Gingrich. Little did he know (the guy who uploaded it) that it’ll become such a hit, delighting Fab Four fans in Russia and, it seems, everywhere.