When I was about 6 years old, I loved to play the 10 of everything game with my friends. It has to do with skipping rope and some rudimentary erudition. We called it skakalochka – the cute Russian word, meaning “little jump rope”. Taking turns, participants skipped and chanted,”I-know-10-names- of…” And proceed to name 10 of whatever it was agreed upon — flowers, colors, towns, countries etc — one name per skip. I-know-10-names- of-flowers. Rose – one, iris – two, lily – three… Stumble while skipping or naming and it’s the next player’s turn.
To this day I remember 10 names of many things I’d otherwise knew 3 or 4, maybe 5 and not only as a 6 year old: trees, herbs, birds, seas, galaxies… Milky Way – one, Andromeda – two, Cartwheel – three, Tadpole — four…
Well then. Let’s play.
One: I N F I N I T E I N T E L L I G E N C E
God is divine, all right, but no more so than you, I and EVERYTHING. Infinite Intelligence is supreme, universal, and everlasting. The absolute quintessence of reality is SPIRIT. Nothing exists but the SPIRIT, and everything that is within the human power of perception is as illusory as a dream.
The realm of science and its every subject –cosmology and evolution notwithstanding – is an illusion, sort of spiritual muscle-flex. It’s nothing but a nice, long, restful dream… Don’t wake up, don’t even try… you can’t anyway…
Two: A N C I E N T A S T R O N A U T
Many thousands of years ago one of several things must’ve happened:
- Extraterrestrial beings landed on earth – either intentionally or by accident – and built a few things here and there, such as Egyptian pyramids, Ahu Tongariki stone heads, drew some pictures and left soon afterwards. Or died out. Or else…
- Alien civilization seeded planet Earth with life, artifacts and ideas in the course of an experiment, thus making our planet a lab for some unknowable research since abandoned (perhaps for lack of funding).
- Extraterrestrial beings were minding their business as they zoomed by Earth with no intention to land on it. However, our planet even then was as good a dumping site as any to toss a pile of garbage on it. Perhaps, extraterrestrial waste disposal fell into disrepair… From the alien trash pile Life on Earth originated, sprung up and spread. It was an accident.
Three: T H E I S T I C E V O L U T I O N
God designed and created Everything, but not from Nothing. Not with Nothing either. His lab was the best equipped celestial research facility imaginable and beyond imagination, because imagination and Everything wasn’t created by Professor God yet.
Science v. religion? God v. Physics? In Theistic Evolution it’s non-issue. Big Bang, quantum physics, rocket science, evolution, cold fusion and Everything originated in God’s Petri dish. Curious Almighty kept on adding a pinch of this, a ton of that, and a teaspoon of something-or-another that he thought might be an excellent catalyzer. And BOOM! And BANG! And voilà!
Four: S C I E N T O L O G Y
There is a reason for people to feel sad and depressed. An alien reason. It all begin 75 million ago…
If you haven’t had a chance to watch an episode of South Park and want to brush on your understanding of Scientology – watch it. It’s funny and educational… for everyone who isn’t a Scientologist. For those who are, please be warned that after watching this you might need to undergo rigorous treatment as required by your church, which might (and often turns out to be) very expensive.
Five: I N T E L L I G E N T D E S I G N
Cute kitten. Very intelligently designed. Perfect, even Satan would agree, for there is no argument against perfectly cute. But the Evil One — being Satan — would manage to bring up an objection or two just to annoy the Almighty.
Satan: “Forget this cute furry creature. Hell knows, perhaps, some cosmic aberration inspired the Almighty. Let’s go deeper and think of Intelligent Design. Better yet, the Intelligence and the Designer. Better still, let’s think of the Intelligence of the Designer. Ever bothered to give a damn about such mundane creation as human small intestine?”
Archangel Gabriel: “By God, Satan! What in Heaven’s name small intestines have to do with anything?”
Satan: “Small intestine is not a small matter in a long story of Intelligent Design. Indeed, it is a wonder to behold. Not being personally affected, I live in dread only thinking about small intestine. The end result of the Almighty’s effort is a far cry from a streamlined, elegant design anyone has the right to expect. Where were His plain old common sense, let alone intelligence? Only a total moonbat could have come up with a wacky design like that. The implementation is equally bizarre. The hose over twenty feet in length, covered with folds and warts along its walls, is coiled every which way and stuffed inside the human body. Have you seen the human entrails, spilling out of stomach cavities? With rare exception, it’s highly unappetizing sight –”
Archangel Uriel, in a small voice: “Does it mean then that when we, the Archangels, appear in human form we too have this long hose with warts inside stuffed into us? Gabriel?”
Archangel Gabriel, looking out into space, in case the answer was floating in the air somewhere. “I… I can’t be sure. I’ve never seen a gutted Archangel. It is hard sometimes to divine the truth of the Divine.”
Archangel Uriel: “Perhaps, the Almighty God designed a somewhat shortened version of intestinal tract just for us, his angels…”
Satan, with a smirk: “Perhaps. We shall call it Less Intelligent Design.”
To be continued…