Coke Is It! Bite The Wax Tadpole!

To make sure the Coca-Cola brand retains its image continues to be seen as an iconic American beverage, the company spends close to 3 billion dollars on advertising.

It took Michael Blanding some 300 pages of The Coke Machine: The Dirty Truth Behind the World’s Favorite Soft Drink to tarnish Coka-Cola’s gleaming image, cultivated for 130 years.

Russians got the taste of Coke in 90s. They didn’t like it all that much. They expected more. Much more.

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When Blanding’s book was translated into Russian, Russians, too, learned the dirty truth behind the world’s favorite soft drink. The majority opinion was crude and somewhat resigned: Shitty drink from shitty company.

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As I said, Russians weren’t overly impressed with the brown sweetness of the drink. But — ever inventive — they experimented. Luck is always with the deserving — plenty of less stomach-turning uses for Coke were discovered.

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Most popular are the following:

  • Restore burned pot to its original state by pouring  Coke into it and bringing to a boil. Cool, blend and use in cocktails.
  • Creatively age photo: Lightly wet the picture in Coca-Cola (do not overdo it!) and then quickly wipe the moisture away. The pictures will look fabulous in the trash can.
 Look under the cap

Caption says: Look under the cap

  •  If you colored your hair and the color turned out too intense, rinsing in Cola will help you to lighten it a little.  Pouring latex paint over your head would work even better.
  •  Old coins will regain their shine if soaked in Coke. It may or may not loose some of their value.
  •  Coca-Cola will remove the scum from the bottom of the tea kettle. Enriched with minerals, Coke in the kettle can be  used for drinking. Taste significantly improves.

One of many unorthodox uses of Coca Cola is rust removal. Works on metal, fabric and other material

One of many unorthodox uses of Coca Cola is rust removal. Works on metal:  soak in Coke overnight and scrape off the rust in the morning. Makes iron reach caffeinated breakfast drink. Works on fabric, too:  wet the spot in Coke and rub the spot off. Afterwards, you can admire the brown spot for hours.
  • Pour Coke into the toilet and it’ll work like a first rate toilet cleaner. Don’t forget to flash.
  • Make an excellent sauce for meat or chicken by mixing Coke and any basic sauce in a ratio of 1:1. Throw away.
  • Coca-Cola is a good hair conditioner. Pour it on your hair, leave for a few minutes. Rinse unless you like flies swarming over your head.
  • Pour Coke in the flat, wide dishes and place them in your garden. Attracted by the sweet smell of the drink, slugs and snails will fall into the dish. Gather snails and make escargots à la Bourguignonne for dinner. Goes well with beer.
Label reads Piva Net -- No Beer

Label reads Piva Net — No Beer

  •  Loosen rusted bolt by wrapping  a rug dipped in Coke and leaving for a few hours. Unscrew… or just forget about it.
  •  Clean your jewelry pieces by dipping them in a glass of Coke and then polishing them lightly. Make sure your  jewelry has no stones in them: Coke may damage them the same way it damages your health.

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  • Add a  little milk into a bottle of Coke, let it sit for 6 hours. Now Coke is cleansed of impurities and you can enjoy the delicious taste of pure gasoline.

And lastly, from Russia to China: The name Coca-Cola, rendered phonetically in Chinese, can sound like the words for bite the wax tadpole or female horse stuffed with wax. Coca-Cola marketers were clearly dismayed. Search for a phonetic equivalent ended when kekou kele, meaning let your mouth rejoice was found. Advertisers, rejoice!

Bite the wax tadpole!

Bite the wax tadpole!

Coke is it!  

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