Headlines: A Man And A Woman

Let’s follow life travails of A Man and A Woman, as marked by news headlines that begin with A Man or A Woman. Yellow press mostly, although these days it’s often hard to tell the difference.

Here we go.

A Man.

His composite image looks something like this:

A Man

A Man

A man and his family live in the sewer and dreams about a vacation in the Caribbean. A man rented an apartment on the Avenue of the Enlightenment and turned it into a brothel. A man can develop prostate cancer working night shifts. A man’s clothing broke into flames when he came out of his apartment. A man lives without pulse for six months.

A naked man spent three hours straddled atop a statue . A  man with hairy chest does NOT look sexier, as was previously thought. A man subjected himself to 90 cosmetic surgeries to look like Barbie’s friend Ken. A man killed two children, trying to steal their bikes. A doctor explained what prevents a man to be a macho in megalopolis.  A man is seeking love at first sight . Psychologists discovered that women can’t resist a man’s smile.  An armed man stole his bride from a mental institution. Search engine Bing helped a man to propose marriage to his girlfriend on top of an active volcano.

A man sues his new wife because she turned out to be not as beautiful as he expected.  A man lived in a same-sex marriage for 19 years and did not know about it.

A man beat up people who prevented him from drowning in the river. A man who was hit by a train was immediately run over by a car. A man attacked a Greek Orthodox priest  with intention of cutting off his beard. A man with fake passport tried to pawn fake gold. A man received a suspended sentence for invented robbery.

A man tried to set themselves on fire in St. Basil’s Cathedral in Moscow. A man tried to set themselves on fire in the center of Tel Aviv. A man tried to cut his throat at the gates of the Buckingham Palace .

A man with a bomb in his pants entered the plane. A man died trying to saw a jet engine in half. A man’s ring finger can tell everything there is to know about him.

A Woman.

A Woman

A Woman

A woman lives in a dugout hut, insisting she is a hobbit. A woman has to sing, otherwise she cannot open her eyes. A woman is eating cat hair for the last 15 years. A woman haven’t slept for three years because of an obsessive song. A woman constructed a lover out of human bones. Psychologists discovered how to manipulate a woman.

A woman treated unrequited love with the help of fictional terrorist. A woman insists hypnosis helped her get pregnant in spite of never having a contact with a man. A woman gave birth to a multi-colored triplets. A woman fell asleep on a plane and woke up after the plane made a round trip. A woman in Iceland tried to find herself and succeeded.

A woman was able to drive off a bear by screaming at him. A woman beat up a wild boar with a plastic chair made in China.

A woman discovered she has breast cancer after being bitten by a lion. A woman became a capable artist after she developed a brain tumor.

A woman damaged painting by Delacroix with fluorescent marker.  A woman made a photograph where she was holding her  own heart in her hands. A woman must hang upside down to live. Crucifixion cured a woman’s cancer but took away her husband’s feet.  A woman tried to kill her husband with a large sausage. A woman is keeping her husband’s mummified body, waiting for his resurrection. Scrutinizing  a Google map of a ruined village, a woman discovered a ghost.   A  400- meter high sculpture of a woman appeared in England.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s