How To Manage Your Slaves

book-review-how-to-manage-your-slaves-by-marcus-sidonius-falx-with-jerry-toner

No one will pick up How to Manage Your Slaves because they feel a need for the advice its true author Jerry Toner presents here as the avuncular views of one Marcus Sidonius Falx, a fictitious Roman of noble birth holding forth, most likely during Edward Gibbon’s “golden age” of the Antonine emperors, on the right and wrong ways to acquire, own, use and live with slaves. (How to Manage Your Slaves, by Marcus Sidonius Falx, with Jerry Toner. A light-hearted approach to a harrowing subject is illuminating and packs a punch.)slaves

At last a clear manual for managing slaves the Roman way. How to Manage your Slaves offers practical answers to every question you’re likely to have and guidance on every problem you’re likely to encounter. (Google Books on How To Manage Your Slaves.)

Don’t obsess over building a team:slaves

Nifty stuff, no doubt about it. Light-hearted, all right. Slavery, however, is a peculiarly unsavory subject, and not quite as lacking of relevance as one might wish it to be.The book is definitely not destined for your local bookstores’ How To shelves — after all, this isn’t Slave-owner’s Manual For Idiots or some such.

On the other hand, many passages of Marcus Sidonius Falx might remind some of a rather more contemporary matter. Don’t dismiss this suggestion out of hand just yet.

In your professional life, have you happened to attend a seminar or a workshop for middle managers or human resource personnel?  If the answer is yes, then to you it won’t be all that hard to imagine Marcus Sidonius Falx as a “how-to-manage- employees” guru.

Substitute “employee” for “slave”, “hire” for “buy” and voila tout! Or, as master Falx might’ve put it, nihil none — nothing to it quicumque.

The following is a retelling (in my own words) of some of the Falx’s postulates with aforementioned substitutions:

Pay attention to personalty, rather than skill set:

It is necessary to pay attention to the character of a slave an employee you intend to buy to hire. Does your slave employee seem indecisive and weak-willed or, alternatively, reckless and defiant? The least suitable are those who are neither too timid nor too bold: both might give you grief. Those who are too tame are unlikely to be show vigor and perseverance in performing their tasks. On the other hand, those who do not have any brakes in demonstrating their prowess might be difficult to control.

Avoid purchasing slaves hiring employees who are constantly in a state of sadness, longing and depression. Being a slave an employee isn’t the most enviable fate, and those who are prone to depression, will only aggravate their grief.

 

Make your slaves employees like you:slave1Many new slave owners managers fall into the trap of thinking that they can manage their slaves employees with a whip alone. Those whose families had slaves had been managers for generations, know that such treatment might cause a slave an employee to become completely lost for a further use. If you resort to unreasonable violence, you might end up with your slaves employee being totally unmanageable. Cruelty is a double-edged sword, and it hits hardest not a slave an employee but the owner the manager. Hard work should be rewarded. Good slaves employees feel demoralized if they see that all the hard work they do goes unrewarded and they are treated no different from their lazy comrades. It is also important that each slave employee is given a clearly defined long-term goal.slave

An importance of a well-organized workplace:

Each slave employee must have clear responsibilities. This creates a streamlined reporting system and encourages a good work, because every slave employee knows that if some of the work will not be performed, the responsible one will be identified and called to answer.

Caption: Slavery in a new packaging

Caption: Slavery in a new packaging


Well, then?

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