Catch A Cockroach…

greencockroach_alamy

Cockroaches, fortunately, are not an everyday occurrence in my life. However, if in the same day you come across not one but three stories related to cockroaches, perhaps, it’s worth mentioning.

The first story comes from China: One million cockroaches escape from Chinese farm.
At least one million cockroaches have reportedly escaped a farm in China where they were being bred for use in traditional medicine.

Unidentified wildlife enthusiast — cockroach sympathizer? —  broke into the enclosed area where the insects were held and cracked the terrarium open. To this day, residents of a small town next to the farm remember the event and curse the guy back and forth: instead of running into the unknown wilderness, cockroaches smartly decided to resettle in the town’s warm and comfortable apartments.

Another one was reported in BBC News Magazine: How cockroaches could save lives.

“Cockroaches are often associated with dirty kitchens and grimy bathrooms — scuttling away as soon as you enter the room and turn on the light. But pest controllers aren’t the only people interested in them — these insects are inspiring research into antibiotics, robots and mechanical limbs,” writes Mary Colwell in the article.

And on a humorous note, from the Russian source, comes a newspaper article Fortune-telling using a cockroach.

гадание на таракане

A fortune-telling with a cockroach.

This is an image of an article in an unidentified Russian newspaper, appearing, appropriately, in the section UNKNOWN or, rather, UNBEKNOWNST. Wanted to learn everything about yourself but didn’t know how? Read translation below (loose translation is mine with a few comments.) To glean the most benefit from it, you need to catch yourself a cockroach.

Thus catch a cockroach, any random cockroach will do — it’ll be YOUR cockroach. Now observe and scrutinize it carefully.tarakan

    • Is it healthy and vigorous? If the answer is yes then your house is in order and your family life is satisfying. (Healthy and vigorous cockroaches, like happy and orderly households with untidy kitchens. VG)cartoon-cockroach-vector-illustration-34820119
    • Is it appear weakly and lethargic? Your wife/husband should feed you better. (Or feed a cockroach. Ordinarily, cockroaches aren’t fussy eaters. VG)
    • Is it red in color? A redheaded person is in love with you.
    • Is it green? Rejoice! Money is coming to you.t1
    • Is it constantly moving its whiskers? You are full of energy. (If you don’t quite feel energized — try multivitamins. VG)
    • Is it frozen in its tracks? You must be a philosopher. (Yes, you are, even if you don’t know it. Pick a subject and start philosophizing. VG)
    • Does it look startled? You feel under-appreciated.
      t1
    • Does your cockroach looks frightened? You are a person who can stand your ground.
    • Is it bright blue, horned and speaks fluent English? Congratulations, you have delirium tremens.таракан7

Now carefully measure your cockroach.t1

  • If the length of a cockroach is less than 1 centimeter — then you are a reliable family person;
  • If it’s length is more than 3 centimeters — then you are a seeker. (What is it exactly you seek isn’t specified. You must know better. VG)

What can cockroach whiskers tell us? t1

  • The spread of cockroach whiskers equal to the length of your nose: You are an inquisitive person. (This discovery is possible if you measure your nose for the sake of comparison. VG)
  • One whisker is shorter than the other: You haven’t quite realized your tremendous potential. (Now run along and realize it. Make your cockroach happy. VG)
  • The total length of the whiskers is equal to the length of its body, multiplied by the square root of the diameter of its belly, divided by the logarithm of the number of its legs: Well, this might mean that you are a scrupulous and meticulous person. (Some rudimentary knowledge of math is necessary to come to this conclusion. VG)

And now pay attention to the cockroach’s legs.

  • If the legs are evenly distributed along its body:  You might need an appointment with psychiatrist. (Tell him/her everything. Show him/her your cockroach. You’ll feel better immediately. VG)
  • If the length and width of its legs are equal: This insect might as well be a bedbug. (And those little critters are bad news, unless you don’t know it already. VG)

Now set the cockroach free and let it run along as it pleases.hohmodrom_Tarakan

  • If the cockroach runs straight forward: The best part of your life is still ahead of you. (Good news if you ever doubted. VG)
  • If it runs to the left: Look forward to a heartbreaking encounter. (Might as well you’ll be hit over the head with a wet sack as you turn the corner of the house to your left. VG)
  • If it runs to the right: Be careful in your professional life — a backstabbing coworker sits to the right of you.
  • If it runs toward you: You are an intriguing person. (The person you intrigue the most might be found in every which direction. VG)
  • If it flops on its back legs up: It is dead. (Catch yourself another cockroach. VG)
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